Without Light
By Jared Lee
The dim light fades,
as the Sun dives past the horizon.
Shouldering the weight of their family’s future,
Students reluctantly stash their books.
As the Sun vanishes,
so do the pencils and essays
For how can one work
when one cannot even identify
the brother in front of him?
For without light,
everything must come to a halt.
For without light,
the growth of many bright minds
is stunted.
For without light,
an entire village cements itself in the past.
I like the repetition (and the line) of " for without light." It creates a dark image that matches with the poem's morose mood.
ReplyDeleteThe repetition in your poem really rounds it off as a whole.
ReplyDeleteThe repetition you used throughout the poem really caught my eye and showed me what you were trying to emphasize. My favorite line from your poem was, "for how can one work, when one cannot even identify the brother in front of him?"I really connected to when you were talking about the importance of light and what effect it has on us as a community and people.
ReplyDeleteThe repetition you use throughout your poem really emphasizes your message, mostly when you start the series of "for's."
ReplyDeleteI really like the metaphor of the "light". The natural cycle between night and day and the conflict between light and darkness really play into your poem's message. My favorite part is definitely your use of repetition with "For without light." The repetition allows for all of the negative effects to be more emphazized, making them more powerful.
ReplyDeleteI like your use of strong adjectives and verbs to make your poem stronger, for example, "the Sun dives past the horizon". My favorite line is "Shouldering the weight of their family’s future,/Students reluctantly stash their books." which really shows the importance of your poem.
ReplyDelete