A notebook
lies vibrant
dormant
on my desk.
Last morning I
ate
a whole bag of
Today I started
thinking about
A thousand
unfinished
sentences,
and a million
words unspok–
shh.
I want to find the right
pen.
No I want to…
I’m waiting for…
for,
for tomorrow.
Today
there aren’t
enough
words.
I love the way you show the notebook and cross out the words that don't work for you, for the narrator. I can feel the emotion really vividly. I love the "words unspok–shh".
ReplyDeleteI really like your unique usage of crossed out lines, it conveys the actual message of your poem and the struggle with writing words in general. Furthermore, your usage of enjambment in the final stanza creates the feeling of emptiness that also conveys the message of your poem very well. My favorite line was:
ReplyDelete"Today
there aren't
enough
words."
I really enjoy the format in your poem. I think that it is not only very unique, but also changes the tone of your poem completely. My favorite line is "and a million words unspok–shh". This kind of sums up your poem, and I think it does so very well.
ReplyDeleteI really like the format of your poem because it really emphasizes on your message.
ReplyDeleteI like how you incorporated crossed-out lines in the poem; it lets the reader experience the illusion that they are the ones not being able to find the right words. Your use of crossing out "Last night I ate a whole bag of" forces the reader to hesitate when reading this line, which is something that happens very rarely in poetry.
ReplyDeleteI really liked how even though this is a written poem it still has a lot of feeling and the poem is very creative. My favorite part was the fourth stanza.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was really interesting and creative to use the crossed out words to express the unspoken words and emotions. I also really like the enjambment because it shows the disconnect and forces the reader to understand the meaning of your poem. My favorite part is,
ReplyDelete"A thousand
unfinished
sentences,
and a million
words unspok–
shh."
I relate a lot to your poem -- I like how you made your own unique take on an experience shared by a lot of people. I like the way that you use enjambment -- especially in the stanza breaks for the last few stanzas, which continues the sentence while forcing a pause. I especially like the line "today there aren't enough words."
ReplyDeleteYour poem is very literal, which isn't necessarily bad, it's just a cool and unique change from the norm. The way that "you" crossed out your incoherent and rambling thoughts that deviated from what "you" wanted the poem to be was really good.
ReplyDelete