A Traveler
Last night
on the way to Ublistan,
I met a traveler on his way to Ashad.
By the time our discussion was
exhausted,
the darkness of the night was
extinguished.
I declared to the hazy morning stars,
“Brother, how fortunate that we
should both hap upon this tavern tonight.
Our paths crossed,
like kite strings twisted and twined
by the wind.”
Come daybreak,
we followed the length of the river
‘till where it diverged to two--
one right to Ublistan.
one left to Ashad.
The traveler pointed left,
“This is as far as I can walk with you.
Take care, my good friend.
Perhaps we shall meet again by
the ocean!”
And so laughing, he strolled down the left fork.
I rose a hand in farewell,
but his figure had already dissolved into grey shores,
the silence of his departure
unnoticed
by the crashing waves.
I really like the dialogue in your poem, it creates a friendly and nostalgic atmosphere for the characters to interact in. My favorite line in your poem was "but his figure had already dissolved." To be fair, the entire last stanza was very well-crafted and really communicated the fleeting nature of the encounter.
ReplyDeleteThe way you chose to use a quote really benefited your poem.
ReplyDeleteI like the tone of the poem, feeling both like a grand story and a personal look into the person's head. My favorite line was "By the time our discussion was/exhausted,/the darkness of night was /extinguished." I also think it does a good job of being vague yet specific.
ReplyDeleteI really like the description you used and the image really fit with what you were saying and I like the last lines on your poem. I like the way you started the poem, it sounded mysterious.
ReplyDeleteI like your use of language of the poem to really set the tone of a story, which has an interesting message. I also like your use of enjambment and interesting phrases. My favorite line is "By the time our discussion was /exhausted,/the darkness of the night was/extinguished."
ReplyDeleteYour poem is well written and does a very good job of being vague and creates a story that allows the reader to have some kind of a connection with the characters despite the story being very short. My favorite line would probably be the last one where you mention the sound of the crashing waves.
ReplyDeleteThe tone is so chilly. I love the aspects of mystery, and darkness. The picture fit really well too. I love the medieval language as well, makes me feel really industrious and old school,
ReplyDelete“Brother, how fortunate that we
should both hap upon this tavern tonight.
Our paths crossed," <-- golden
I really like how you used a specific story to convey the meaning and message of your poem. I also like the cold tone of the poem, but how the meeting of the two men provides them both with some relief and comfort. My favorite part is definitely the last stanza.
ReplyDeleteI think that I don't really understand a few parts of your poem, such as why the stranger goes off laughing. However, I think that it does feel right, and that the arc of the piece is very fluid and complete with a fleshed out beginning, climax, and ending. Good work!
ReplyDelete